St. Thomas à Becket Foundation 
making a difference
 
 
John Bonner's column for May reflects on a truly inspirational lady . . . . . .  


A Charitable Listening Ear



It is of little wonder that over the centuries
May has become a month of devotion to
Mary, the Mother of God,

 “with the mood of nature's springtime blossoming, the warm air of the evenings,
there is human gladness in a world that is renewing itself. 
In Mary we see the Christian life set forth as a youth-fullness of the heart,
as beauty and a waiting readiness for what is to come."  (1)

As we enter this month of devotion to Our Lady with prayers for ripening harvests, blossoming of life and peace throughout the world my thoughts are drawn to many women who are inspirational labourers of love.
One such woman who is a wonderful personality is Angela Davies with whom I work.  She is a magnificently exuberant and charitable spirit who has just returned from Lourdes with the HCPT (Handicapped Children’s Pilgrims Trust) full of joy. 


In the short space of time since Angela and I have worked together she has reaffirmed many lessons, two of which are:
 

 ‘Charity begins at home’
         and   ‘True listening is love in action.’          (2)

It is ironic that Angela encourages attentive listening given that she is profoundly Deaf, something that I have often overlooked.  For having observed that she is wearing two hearing aids and given that she has excellent verbal communication skills a number of assumptions are made. 


Angela started working for the Saint Thomas a Becket Foundation earlier this year on the 14 January and not long after her appointment we chatted about what it is like to be Deaf.

“If you could imagine what it would be like not to hear your baby giggle, or even the next door neighbour’s dog barking, or the front door bell ringing then you would have some idea of what it is like to be Deaf.

You live in ‘The Hearing World’
I live in a ‘Deaf World’.

 In working with Angela there is great laughter at my inability to be attentive to her disability. 
To be able ‘to hear’ Angela needs people to face her so that she can lip read what they are saying.
Regrettably I often forget this basic need and Angela has to politely remind me when she asks:

“Why are you talking to the computer?  The table? The curtains? The window? Why are you talking to fresh air?  You are not talking with me.
If we are going to have a conversation you will need to face me so that I can see your lips in order to be able to hear what you are saying!
 

“It is important that you know the following facts: 
I am not physically disabled or suffer with a mental condition, but I am profoundly Deaf and I like all Deaf people suffer the same way; sometimes with harassment, sometimes with ignorance, sometimes with a lack of understanding or a fear about something in our life that could not be prevented.”

As a ‘hearing person’ I have come to realise that good-will alone is not enough.
In meeting the needs of my co-worker I need to take positive steps to ensure that Angela is not excluded from something a simple as a conversation. 

Recently we chatted about our ‘sign names’.  That is the names people who use sign language give to each other.
Angela’s sign name is ‘Angel.’
 It has occurred to me that her sign name could easily have embodied the qualities of kindness, gentleness, courage or humility.  All of which are qualities that Our Lady encourages us to embrace in order to grow closer to her son.  It is my hope that throughout the month of May we can, through devotion to Our Lady grow closer to her son and in so doing appreciate the good women in our midst and specifically learn from them and be attentive to their needs.

A post script

In order for Angela to talk with people on the phone she needs to use ‘Type Talk.’
Recently Angela sent numerous letters to various individuals and I enquired if anyone had got in touch with her using ‘type-talk.’  “No-one” she answered.

In my heart I began to rationalise that no-one had phoned because they are probably not familiar with ‘type-talk’, or possibly have some fear of using it; yet at the same time I was disappointed that people had not called.

  Then an inner voice gently and yet firmly reminded me:
“Take the log from your eye!! Before you even think of taking the splinter from another’s!  How often do you use ‘type talk’ with Angela? You of all people who work with her and have knowledge of her needs!!”

Yes, Angela is quite right; charity does indeed begin at home. I shall let go of my fear of the unknown and give her a call, with a listening ear; - using ‘type-talk!’

(1) Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, Seek That Which is Above
(2)Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled